Discussion Questions

FACILITATORS of the Boston HIV-Negative Support Group have used some of these open-ended questions to begin conversations.

• What losses due to AIDS have you experienced, on a personal or community level?
  
• How is the way you feel about yourself affected after a significant part of your life is gone?
  
• What are some of the ways you've expressed grief?
  
• What might be signs of unresolved grief?
  
• Some grief counselors talk about a "grief cycle" and about how long it should take to process a loss. Do these grief theories apply when someone suffers repeated losses?

• How does the uncertainty of the HIV test affect your feelings about yourself and others?
  
• How do you deal with fear or anxiety that the HIV test might not be accurate?
  
• What are some of the good things you get from being tested?
  
• What issues remain unresolved after the testing process?

• What feelings have you experienced after getting tested?
  
• How do those feelings change with time, and when do your feelings lead you to consider another HIV test?
  
• Are there unique issues that arise during retesting that you did not experience during your first HIV test?
  
• How is the quality of your life affected by retesting?

• Who have you told about your HIV-negative status?
  
• What advantages or disadvantages are there to disclosing your HIV-negative status?
  
• Should HIV-positive men disclose their status to sexual partners? Should HIV-negative men?
  
• How do you bring up the subject of your status with others, positive or negative?
  
• How is your sexual behavior influenced by knowing the HIV status of your partner?

• What feelings do you have about HIV-positive lovers?
  
• What questions would you not pose to people who are positive?
  
• In what ways do you feel you can be intimate with someone who is HIV-positive?
  
• What feelings do you have when with your HIV-positive friends?
  
• How do you feel when your lover or friends begin to talk about being HIV-positive? When they're sick?
  
• In what way does knowledge of HIV status affect your choice of friendships?

• Is sex without condoms always unsafe?
  
• Is it difficult for us to discuss the unprotected sex we have?
  
• Is it ever important to have unprotected sex?
  
• Does "unsafe" mean different things for HIV-negative and HIV-positive people?

• How do you know a person has high or low self-esteem?
  
• What do drugs and alcohol do for self-esteem?
  
• Does it seem as if gay men around you drink and drug more or less than before AIDS?
  
• What do drugs and alcohol do for sex?
  
• What are some "pick-me-ups" that work to help you feel better about yourself when you're feeling down?

• What circumstances cause you to want unsafe sex?
  
• When have you actually engaged in unsafe sex?
  
• What feels different about wearing a condom? Why would not wearing a condom feel different?
  
• When you have wanted to have unsafe sex and didn't, what stopped you?
  
• Is it ever unsafe to negotiate safer sex?

• What are some of your success stories regarding good communication with sexual partners?
  
• How do sexual roles (top/bottom, daddy/son, master/slave) affect your ability to talk about sex with your partner?
  
• What are your fears about discussing sex with your partner?
  
• How does the kind of relationship you have with your partner (fuck buddy, friend, lover, trick) affect the way you talk about sex?
  
• Describe an erotic experience that challenged your rules about sexual safety. How would talking with your partner have made the sex safer?
  
• How can you practice talking about sex?

• How have your fantasies changed since AIDS appeared?
  
• How does concern about HIV influence your use of pornography?
  
• To what extent do your fantasies involve safer sex?
  
• How do your fantasies influence your practices?
  
• What emotions does fantasizing about unsafe sex bring about?
  
• How do your fantasies compare to what you do in reality?

• What is your life like being HIV-negative?
  
• How do you feel your life would be different if you seroconverted?
  
• What pressures, if any, do you feel to become infected? How do you handle those pressures?
  
• How would you react to seroconverting? To whom would you reveal this? How might they respond?
  
• What changes would you make in your life if you were HIV-positive?
  
• How would you feel about a friend who seroconverted?

• How often and how clearly do you think about your future?
  
• How far into the future do your dreams and fantasies go?
  
• How easy is it to talk about your future with friends? Does it differ depending on their HIV status?
  
• What are some of the things you're looking forward to in your life?
  
• Do you have concerns or worries about the future?
  
• What are your thoughts on growing older as a gay or bisexual man?
  
• Do you think of yourself as a survivor of the AIDS epidemic? What does that mean to you?